


Have Sex (verb)

by Zoya1416



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley helps Aziraphale find his words, M/M, so many words, synonyms and euphemisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 17:27:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20100919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya1416/pseuds/Zoya1416
Summary: After the Arrangement becomes physical, Aziraphale tries to put words to it. Crowley ridicules him. Explicit for verbs, mature for action, if that helps you know what to read.





	Have Sex (verb)

**Author's Note:**

> Crowley's had experience with sexual terms over many centuries and seven continents, and he tries to stay current, but you know, humans have more expressions for this act than anything else.

"Know."

"What?"

"We've known each other now."

"We've known each other six thousand years, angel."

"That is, we've - ' Aziraphale cleared his throat. 'I mean we've _known _ each other." He emphasized the word. "Differently. In the, the original sense."

Crowley's mouth quirked. They'd been lying on their backs after they'd separated.

"Oh, that way." He grinned and rolled over onto his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows. "You mean we've fucked."

"Crowley! That's not, well, I suppose so, but I wouldn't say it like that."

"How would you put it?" Crowley's hair brushed Aziraphale's cheek as the demon leaned in for a kiss. Somewhere between the Ritz and Crowley's bed, Aziraphale had indicated that he liked the demon's red hair longer, and Crowley had miracled it. 

"Lie with?" The angel looked up, biting his lips. "I've never thought about it. I - you could say 'give someone a green gown? Princam-prancum?""he asked hopefully.

Crowley shook with laughter."Back in Shakespeare's time. Screwed."

"No!" Aziraphale bopped Crowley's nose with a manicured finger, and the demon laughed. Aziraphale said, "Dance the kipples."

"What? 18th century, maybe. And don't say 'have one's corn ground, either.'" 

Aziraphale thought. Had Oscar used this term, or was it earlier? He had heard it somewhere. He said, "horizontal refreshment," in a satisfied voice.

"Horizontal refreshment? I must have missed something - mid-nineteenth century? Alright, try again for something people might actually say in the 21st century."

"Get one's ashes hauled."

"I said twenty-first century. Not early 20th."

"Sleep together."

"Hmm, if you're over 50. One point."

"One point out of what, Crowley?"

"One point out of ten for a verb which might possibly still be used." He flicked his long tongue along Aziraphale's cheek, tickling his ear. "Top, by the way."

"Top?"

"As in what I just did to you.

Aziraphale blushed and wrinkled his nose. Crowley brushed back his blond curls. "And what you just did was bottom. We did anal, angel. And you enjoyed it." He winked.

"Mate!" said Aziraphale wildly. "Just say 'mate!"

"We cannot mate, angel. We can fool around."

"That's not a bad expression," said Aziraphale, with relief in his voice.

"I meant hook up. Shag."

"Do they still use shag carpeting?"

"How about I shag you on the carpet the next time I booty call you?" Crowley slid his hand across Aziraphale's chest. There wasn't much fat, more muscle than he'd expected, but no nipples. Aziraphale hadn't made an effort on those, and Crowley wondered whether they would be sensitive if he did. A thought for next time.

"Have relations with," said Aziraphale, relieved. "I know I've heard people say they're in a relationship."

"They don't have as many relationships as they did before. Never mind getting married. But they don't even _have relations _ with someone in a relationship. They bang. Bonk."

"Bed! I know they say bed."

"One-half point, and I'm being generous. Your great-aunt might say "go to bed.""

"We don't have...mmph!" Crowley kissed Aziraphale slowly, but not with tongue. The angel hadn't like the long tongue in his mouth - he'd jerked away from it. Crowley would show him another time.

"I know, just a figure of speech. BDSM. Knock boots. Schtup."

"You made that last word up!"

"Did not. Tup."

"From Othello. Black ram tupping your white ewe, I believe." He could hear the relief in the angel's voice. "So they _still _ say it, Crowley? In the 21st century?"

"Damn. Got me. It's a good word, though. I might bring it back. Eat. Wreck. Finger. Fist."

"Have intercourse - although that used to mean social conversations, not sex. Also, criminal conversation."

"Crim. con. is a lawsuit for adultery, and also not used since the 19th century."

"You slept through the 19th century."

"Yes, and when I woke up, nobody was saying crim.con. anymore." Crowley nibbled on the angel's neck.

"I supposed you were the cause of any number of crim.cons., you wily tempter."

Crowley stopped kissing Aziraphale. He had caused adultery many times, but not by sleeping with married people himself. He'd tempted them to covet their neighbors since the Beginning. It was in the job description, one of those first commandments. But he'd never liked it. He couldn't say he'd never tempted people to murder, either. He had done all those things, in the early centuries, loathing it more each time. The last time he'd seen a husband beat his wife for taking a lover that Crowley had tempted her to take - he hadn't pulled the man away. But he'd caused the husband to fall as well, and to be killed for it when another husband found _him _ sleeping with his wife. Rough justice. That was when he'd began to send in false reports to head office. He'd watched for adultery and reported it, but didn't cause it anymore. He shook his head.__

"Not for a long time, angel." 

Aziraphale must have heard the tightening in his voice, because he rubbed Crowley's back silently. 

_ _

_ _"Anyway, get it on."_ _

_ _

_ _"Get what on, Crowley?"_ _

_ _

_ _"Get it on is a synonym for fuck. A very mild one. I lose one point for that. Nail. He slid his thigh over Aziraphale's. "You'd better come up with a few more. I'm way ahead." _ _

_ _"I think _something _ is coming up." __

_ __ _

_ _"Angel! I'll teach you dirty talk yet!"_ _

Aziraphale's lids closed part way. "Copulate." 

_ __ _

"No." 

_ _"Conjugate."_ _

_ __ _

"Worse." 

_ __ _

"Sodomize." 

_ __ _

_ _"Never."_ _

_ __ _

_ _"Really? I thought we just - "_ _

_ __ _

"Listen, Aziraphale, nobody saysss that anymore! Nobody! And it doesn't mean the same thing because sodomy was illegal!" (Was still illegal in some countries, or only recently not, but Crowley ignored this.) 

_ __ _

_ __ _

"I know. I was there." 

_ __ _

"Right. I've never understood about Lot's wife being turned into salt just for looking back, though. 'Snot like they had wide-screen pornos she could watch." 

_ __ _

Crowley's mood soured. This was supposed to have been fun, twitting Aziraphale for his prudishness. If he started thinking about all the ways religion had screwed human up - He sighed, even though he didn't need to, and didn't immediately notice the angel's increased agitation. Aziraphale, in fact, was feeling the results of all the dirty words Crowley had taught him. He wanted to hear more. In fact, he wanted to do more of them and that right soonish. He writhed and wiggled, not sure exactly what he should do, but Crowley had gone away somewhere. That demon - maybe he needed words, too. Aziraphale searched the multiple dictionaries in his mind; there was just no way to get it right, all those different words. He made an effort. 

_ __ _

_ __ _

"Crowley!" Aziraphale squirmed and then yanked his arms around the demon."Fornicate me, Crowley! Fornicate me now! Please!" 

_ __ _

_ _Crowley started giggling. "No one has ever, ever said that -" he stopped because Aziraphale had slipped his hand between them and gained his attention._ _

_ __ _

"Ah, you're thirsty, angel." 

_ __ _

"Make it with me! Go all the way!" Aziraphale began to breath hard, even though he didn't need to. It felt right, though, even though his cheeks flamed. "Please, let's do it." The angel's word stuttered and he shouted, "Bugger it, I mean me! Crowley, you know what I'm saying! I meant -" here the angel's voice sank an octave lower. _"Take me."_

_ __ _

_ __ _

"That will work, but how about if I blow you first?" Crowley slid down Aziraphale's body, slipped his hands around the angel's hips. He kissed the soft thighs and rubbed his long hair across them. 

_ _ "Crowley, dear?"_ _

_ _ __ _ _

_ _ _"Mmm," Crowley said. "You're so beautiful, I love your cock," Crowley's tongue flicked out."I want to taste it, I want to take you in."_ _ _

_ _ __ _ _

_ _ _Aziraphale gently pulled Crowley's head up and gazed at him._ _ _

_ _ __ _ _

"Crowley. Let's make love." 

_ _ __ _ _

"Yesss." Crowley's tongue slid all around his shaft. He pulled the angel close, and took him in.

_ _ __ _ _


End file.
